I’ve been clean for 1 month, 2 weeks, and 1 day. I haven’t been clean for this long in almost a year. It scares me to believe that. If I relapse, I’ll feel so disappointed in myself and ashamed for letting people down. Not once have I heard someone say they’re proud of me during this current fight, not once. It kills me too, because my closest friend used to tell me that everyday, that he was proud of me. I used to cry in happiness just hearing those words: I’m proud of you.
I feel so selfish for wanting to hear thosewords. I honestly do because no one is forced to say that, but I wish I could ask someone if they’re proud of me and give me a hug. That’s what makes me stronger and no one really knows or understands that about me.