Tomorrow begins my Fall semester at college and I’m anything but thrilled about it. This Summer has been increasingly difficult for me, as I’ve retreated further and further away from those I was once close to…the lingering urge to SI has suffocated me. I thought I was better, I thought all this time of control and well-being meant something. A new beginning was starting to surface and I feel like I’m just on the verge of ruining that, if I haven’t already. It’s an endless struggle, all these days passing while I lie to myself and those around me.
I went to see a counselor the other day about something school related, and as we talked I warmed up to her in a way I’ve never been able to with any other person. She was wholesome and meaningful, she understood how I felt instead of sitting there and quietly judging me. My mom is concerned about me, and so was my counselor, I’m scared that I’ve reached my limit. I don’t want to do something reckless but what else do I have? I’ve been on this site, reading posts and responding for quite some time but there has to be something I’m doing wrong. I just feel so lost.
I mean..can anyone help me? My life just seems so pointless..