that i have. my friend kelsey is seriously ticking me off. i can NOT deal with all the junk shes putting me thru rite now…my mom and dad are ALWAYS screaming at someone. whether it be at each other or at us kids. my brothers are just a pain to me. my bf…well, im not sure wat to think bout him. i mean, i love him. i really do. wen i DONT love him like that, i love him as just a friend. becuz hes EVERYTHING to me. i would do anything for him if he asked. but, im not so sure if he feels the same. KELSEY is always over at his house. and i kno he invites me over all the time and my parents say no…but still…am i the only one that thinks this is sorta wrong in a way? uggghhh. my cuz still thinks i stopped and hes SOOO proud…and im SOOO ashamed. and then theres james…hes the one that almost called someone. i think ive fooled him but im not so sure anymore. i mean, hes cool and all, but i think i better stop talking to him so much for my own safety….i cant have him telling. ive got to get him thinking that i have the perfect life…that ive stopped SIing…which i really doubt i can actually do anymore. im tired of being strong for everyone (or atleast looking like i am). my hearts screaming “yes! i want and need help!! HELP MEEE!!” but at the same time my head is whispering “no. i dont need it. ill survive…somehow…ill stop on my own…last time i didnt try as hard as i will this time…” in shame. life is too tiring and hard. i just wnna collapse. bury myself in pillows. fall away into a deep sleep that i shall never wake up from…