Things are difficult. I am trying to give myself a reason for not punishing myself right now. I hate the decision I made almost six months ago to move over 1000 miles away to a new place where I know no one thinking things would be okay because I was going to a job I was going to really like. Was I ever wrong. I am miserable. I cry everynight because I dread going to work the next day. I feel like an outsider and I don’t fit in, and I am not sure I even want to fit in anymore.
And to make my desicions that much worse I dragged my fiancé along with me. He quit his job to move with me. Now he is depressed because he is having a hard time finding a new job and I hate mine. I hate myself when I think a out the situation I have put us in. I wan to take it all back, but I can’t and I am finding it all so difficult. I want si and punish myself for making this choice and then also creating this for my fiancé.
I just feel so stuck and I hate this horrible feeling that I have everyday. I just wan to leave, but I can’t. I have to stay at this job at least until my fiancé finds something. It is just so hard and I am findin it hard to hang on. This move was to be a fresh start – a new happy beginning and it turned out not to be that.