i’m such a hypocrite. i can tell everyone else that its ok that you slipped up and don’t be hard on yourself but i can’t even tell myself that or give myself a break. today was a hard day. i have some obsessive thoughts bothering me and the urge to self injure is high. i called this hotline but they never seem to help. i have a feeling i’ll be headed to the hospital later. i dont want to do it but a part of me wants to. i dont know what good it will do. i’ll just feel lousy afterwards. but the instant relief is awesome. it just doesnt last long. then you have to deal with scars. i dont know what i’ll do. just blog i guess to distract myself. man i need help
Im sorry I couldn’t respond when you needed this a couple days ago. You’re not a hypocrite. Its just easier to tell everyone else that it will be okay, and to beleive it than to say it to yourself. So I will tell you this… it is okay that you have slipped up, and you really shouldn’t be this hard on yourself. You will have hard days, and you will have easy days. The secret is finding out what is making the easy days easy, and bringing that into your life more often. For me, taking my dog to the park and running with her like a crazy child has been the best help. Anytime I feel an urge, I grab the leash and seeing her get sooo excited, I just can’t help but smile, and the exercise helps too!. I am glad that you are aware of how temporary of a solutiong that SI is… I was at the hospital the other night for an SI related injury and I have never felt so naked… they told me to sit on this bed in the hallway while they tended to me in front of other people. Thats not something I want to experience ever again. People say that people who SI do it for attention, and man are they ever wrong. In most cases I beleive that SI if for personal emotional release, and it may come to the point where it is used as a way to ask for help. Instead of injuring yourself to the point where you need to visit the hospital, you should visit the hospital and in triage just ask to see a crisis counselor. They do amazing work, and can really help you work through this time.
Be strong, and resist the urge, you will feel better in the long run.
Hypocrite??
Not so much – seems like more than anything else you are human. I commend you for telling the truth.. I always wonder how much more forthcoming I’d be if I felt like I wouldn’t be judged.