well a couple weeks ago i sent out a blog saying i was doing better. well i slipped up again and I just feel lousy. I am on vacation and i am visiting my dad and his wife for two weeks. its only day 3 and i’ve SI’d. I didnt want to but I was just so caught up in the moment. First my planes were delayed and I thought that i would have to stay the night at the airport. so my emotions got all fired up and out of hand, i cried and i was angry that my dad wasnt willing to drive 4 hours to get me if that was the case. well thank God that my third flight was delayed…so i made it to my destination without staying at the airport. well i thought we would be doing something fun but so far all we have done was i escorted my father to his appt, and we went grocery shopping. woo! I thought we would go to the beach or go shopping or something. I just feel so bored and homesick. I miss my mom. (even tho she doesnt do anything either) i miss my therapist. I know she will be disapointed in me when she finds out i hurt myself. I havent told my dad and i wont. i dont know what to do with myself…i hate being cooped up in the house. i want to do something. i tried to share with my dad that i’m feeling sad and i’m having those thoughts in my head but he just said cuz im bored and i should go help him do yard work. i dont know what to do. since i hurt myself i feel guilty and hopeless. i feel like i failed and that i wont be able to start school. i’m off my meds. the doc wanted to see how that would go. obviously not well. anyways, it would be nice to hear from someone. please talk to me
please don’t forget that you are human. you are going to have ups and downs…especially when dealing with your self-injury. self-injury is not a end to your problems…just a way of dealing with them. we all have ways of dealing with things and we try to do the best that we can. you said a few weeks ago that you were doing better…so you seem like you have been in this place before and you will get out of it again. i have faith in you so please have faith in yourself! we learn the most about ourselves throughout our hardest times and all is not lost! Keep your head up and your heart open! you have not failed…coming onto this blog is a huge success in itself…please remember that! hang in there lovely!
you can do it! keep trying/ keep ur self distracted. we are all rooting for you!
although it is unfortunate that you did SI, it by no means has to be thought of as a failure. it was a mess-up, a moment of weakness. we all have those, we are human. its ok. I know you feel guilty and are upset about SI-ing but I am sure your therapist won’t think anything less of you. she knows you and what specifically you are going through, and she will understand that you had a moment of struggle. you were doing better, focus of being like that again! Your road to no SI will not be a perfect one, nothing ever is perfect. its ok to struggle because through all of this you will become a better person in the end that has accomplished something amazing. keep reminding yourself of the progress you are making. i know yard work may not be your ideal idea of fun, but spending time with your dad could be helpful. it seems that maybe he does not understand your SI. I know that you do not want to tell him that you have SI-ed, but opening up slowly about what you are going through and telling him what you need right now will help to bring you guys closer. maybe he just doesn’t know what to do. suggest some ideas! you are there to visit him so i am sure he wants to spend time with you….also, try getting all of those thoughts out! sometimes just simply writing it all out helps. i know that if i do not get all the negative thoughts out of me then i just end up feeling worse. i hope your visit turns around for you. try to get yourself into a positive place. you have been able to do it in the past and you can do it again. things will look up.
We all make mistakes, we aren’t perfect. You slipped, everyone does even if we try not too. Just remember it’s ok to make mistakes along the way as long as you know you are trying your best. Life is going to have its bumps in the road but you’ll get through them. If your dad doesn’t notice the first time keep trying to talk to him and he will eventually get the hint. You can’t stop trying to get his attention, if that’s what you need to not SI. Hang in there and keep your spirits up, things will get better. All of us on the blog are here to help 🙂