i’m sitting here wondering how SIing can be so good and so bad at the same time
its weird but i honestly liked having something in my life that i could control
even if it was when and how i could hurt myself.
all the pain i felt was because i wanted it
and i could keep it my own secret.
no one understands why i SI
but it honestly just feels good sometimes.
then the next morning i wake up
and once again feel horrible and guilty
and wishing i could one day stop.
now that i have stopped
(well sort of)
i feel so drawn to doing it all over again.
yes, i have fallen
but i keep telling myself i need to stop.
the urges won’t go away,
its an addiction that i can’t get rid of.
i really do want to stop
i know i need to stop
but its getting harder and harder.