i’m sitting here wondering how SIing can be so good and so bad at the same time

its weird but i honestly liked having something in my life that i could control

even if it was when and how i could hurt myself.

all the pain i felt was because i wanted it

and i could keep it my own secret.

no one understands why i SI

but it honestly just feels good sometimes.

then the next morning i wake up

and once again feel horrible and guilty

and wishing i could one day stop.

now that i have stopped

(well sort of)

i feel so drawn to doing it all over again.

yes, i have fallen

but i keep telling myself i need to stop.

the urges won’t go away,

its an addiction that i can’t get rid of.

i really do want to stop

i know i need to stop

but its getting harder and harder.