unfair. cruel. wrong in altogether too many ways. and sometimes, sometimes, i just am over it all. i mean, wats the point anyways? most of the time, it just doesnt seem worth going thru all the pain and suffering one goes thru. ive been SIing for about a year and a couple months now. i got addicted to it and now i cant stop. and its wierd cuz it seems like everything happened all at once. wen my friends went to the office and told my school counselor i was SIing, (it wasnt even major really then i had only done it like 2 or 3 times) it all seemed like it went downhill from there. MAJORLY. my parents have found out 3 times so far. i have ended up with a counselor, and many more problems. and my parents keep tellin me how normal ppl only have bad days. not bad months and years. they want to know whats really going on, but how am i supposed to tell them that theyre mostly the problem? =(  and i have wonderful friends (even tho theyre few) that care about me. but i cant tell them unless i want to go to a mental hospital. not to mention that i have a downright WONDERFUL boyfriend! weve been friends for like 3+ years too. but i cant tell him either for the simple fact that he just got bac from bein in a mental hospital for 2 wks for SIing. i used to be able to tell him that kind of stuff but now he will SI cuz he blames it on himself. so i cant tlk to him bout it anymore and its driving me insane! not slowly but actually quite FAST! and im a HORRIBLE failure for a sister. my cuz is tryin to get me to stop, but i cant. ive tryed before. it seems dum to even consider the fact that maybe i can actually stop this time around. who cares? not me. nope, not anymore. ive tryed havin a counselor, ive tryed tlkin to my bf (that helped until i couldnt tlk to him obut it anymore, i tried tlkin to my best friend (she now thinks i do it for attention but i SWEAR i dont), i even tried tlkin to my mom once (she completely freaked out on me), i tried journaling even (my friends found it and gave it to the school. ….they called my parents…). so it just doesnt seem possible anymore. why bother? im just not gettin it anymore…