so i thought this last week would be cake as far as not having urges since i would be on vacation with a bunch of ppl that know i si and my older sister who is pretty much my strength right now…but i barely made it.
for no reason whatsoever i had one of the strongest urges on wednesday, halfway thru the week!! it was so frustrating bc we were just sitting at the park and nothing had triggered it at all! i actually had the tool in hand before deciding to call my boyfriend, who knows, and talking to him about it instead.
well the feeling still hasnt gone away. all i feel like doing is si-ing and laying down and crying. i dont understand it bc nothing happened to trigger it. i just want this feeling to go away, or at least make sense. if i only had a reason every time i had the urge to si then i wouldnt be so frustrated. i just want to know why, i just want to understand myself! i want to know if there are others who dont understand themselves either or am i alone in this feeling… WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? GO AWAY!
You’re not alone i’ve felt this way many times.I actually felt this just last night wanting self-injure for no reason at all,but I called a friend instead who is helping me on top of my counseling that I go to every week.It’s good that you tried to distract yourself by calling your boyfriend.I just like you called someone I could trust who wants to help me as soon as I was about to injure.I’d like to share with you something that my friend told me to last night throw away all your tools anything haveing to do with injuring yourself.Now you may be thinking what!,but how can I do that? it’s a part of me it’s who I am,and if I throw them away and have the urges again what am I to do? It doesn’t matter THROW IT ALL AWAY she told me to do this and I did,but she’s smart about it she told me put it 2 or 3 bags like plastic roll it up and ask if you could take out the trash or if you have a dumbster near by throw it there.I wraped my tools in 2 bags put it at the bottom of the trash bag in my room that had paper in it and put it next to the trash can in my kitchen.I would have put it in the trash bin I have outside my house,but they only pick up on certain days so my parents take the trash out the night before so yeah,but I wouldn’t dare go back and dig it out cause 1.bag would make noise so I would get caught and 2.although it’s just paper that’s mostly in my bag it would be kinda gross.Also after that she said that I need to pray and ask God to help me a lot if I get the urges after that and even if I don’t.She also said she would call me the next day to see if I did what she told me.I’m actually antisapateing her call right now.I really recomend it when I thought about throwing my tools away it was scary,but after I did it I actually felt relieved.I also recomend praying really hard for God to help you ESPECIALY if your trying to stop
Ok another thing that didn’t fit on my first comment is.All the urges,anger,confusion,stress,deppre-ssion,and all.It’s all from the devil the devil wants you to suffer and when you injure God is sad and the devil is haveing a “party”.The devil is bad he wants you to injure and suffer,but when you pray to God to help you not injure you will feel great.I’m talking from experiance I don’t know how old you are,but i’m just 13,and been through stuff I shouldn’t have had to,but I leave it all up to God.He knows what he’s doing and believe it or not it all has a purpose and is good unto God.Pray it helps take care.
I hate those urges too! Like I feel the same way you do. This whole week I’ve been giving in for no reason at all. It just stinks but good job on holding off!
thanks guys. really, thanks
wow. ur just like me. which is actually rather frightening… =/