so i thought this last week would be cake as far as not having urges since i would be on vacation with a bunch of ppl that know i si and my older sister who is pretty much my strength right now…but i barely made it.
for no reason whatsoever i had one of the strongest urges on wednesday, halfway thru the week!! it was so frustrating bc we were just sitting at the park and nothing had triggered it at all! i actually had the tool in hand before deciding to call my boyfriend, who knows, and talking to him about it instead.
well the feeling still hasnt gone away. all i feel like doing is si-ing and laying down and crying. i dont understand it bc nothing happened to trigger it. i just want this feeling to go away, or at least make sense. if i only had a reason every time i had the urge to si then i wouldnt be so frustrated. i just want to know why, i just want to understand myself! i want to know if there are others who dont understand themselves either or am i alone in this feeling… WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? GO AWAY!