This Friday I see my psychiatrist for the first time since her coming back from vacation. I really don’t want to go back because I really don’t think she would comprehend or understand the impact this month has on me. This month was by far the hardest month of my life in so many way that I feel she would totally laugh at me to my face instead of behind my back like I already think she does. It was too hard to handle I had to find ways of getting rid of this deep anger I was feeling toward her and other things. After 1 month I just couldn’t take the pressure of everything that was going on so I went a little bit manic and with every bit of anger inside of me I self-destructed. I know what she will think and everyone else will think of me after this blog that there is no hope for me what’s so ever. my life for 28 days was like being on a locomotive that was going full tilt without ever ending. I also realize that going back means trying to put all that happened into 1 session and then having to leave until the next time. I don’t know whether I should call her, but then again for 28 days I was on my own again, alone again to fail in every way possible. I never even made it to therapy today because I finally realize that my therapist could not fathom how hard it’s been for me this month and how I feel that she will judge me for doing what I felt I needed to do to get through it all.