Earlier this week, even yesterday, I was on the top of the world. One of my web series was licensed to appear on cell phones, I saw Inception in IMAX and watched a roller derby with several friends I haven’t seen in forever, and things just generally felt perfect. And then all of a sudden, ten minutes ago, my mood crashed again.
And it’s not like the world was ending. My mom started yelling at me about my car, and my room, and suddenly it was like I was back in eleventh grade of high school, with me up in my room fuming.
I did self-injure, and I did feel better from doing so. And I started to realize why it’s so tempting to wait until after self-injuring before asking for help, because it’s hard for me to ask for help when I’m still in panic mode. I went online after and went on skype and facebook. No one was on skype, so I decided to check up on my best friend’s facebook. Apparently he’s moving to Brazil, full time. I knew he was thinking about it, but I didn’t know it was certain until then. And since being on another continent means no cell phone access, I just have to rely on him being online, which he hasn’t been once since going back to Brazil earlier in the summer.
I don’t know what I’m looking for from this post. Everything’s a communication, right? If I hadn’t learned that at SAFE (which I did), I would have learned it in my acting and playwriting classes in college. As for what I’m communicating…meh. Go with it. All comments are welcome.