everyday is a struggle, i am fighting myself each step of the way, no one knows that i am going through flashbacks each night or how badly they make me want to si, it is so hard to stop when i don’t really have a reason, a pastor at my church has been helping me a lot but i still have urges constantly and i am growing week and tired, i’ve given up on the fight, i need encouragement, a shoulder to lean of, parents who care would be great but i guess i’ll just stick to myself like always, i’m so tired of being alone…i keep telling myself god is always with me but then i just think to myself “if god is always with you where was he during the sexual abuse? standing in the corner watching?” i know that it is bitter and wrong to think that way but i just can’t help it anymore…i am getting ready to start my senior yr, i want to be happy, i’m so ready to move out, maybe then i will find a way to love me with out constantly being put down at home… idk anymore…