Grief is tearing at me. I am whole and happy, no longer depressed. I deal with my problems as they come, now, and have even begun to examine the darker years already past. Yet… One of my closest friends died of cancer a few months ago. He was only sixteen. We were from the same cloth and were in almost all of our classes together. He and I shared the same exact blue eyes. I see him in my mind’s-eye and my heart aches so badly… It is far worse than any other boy. I loved him as one of my closest friends. He is gone, now. Though the town remembered him they have stopped mentioning him already. The world goes on. I have other stresses and joys–things I should focus on instead of him. I know I have a network of people who would be glad to support me, but sometimes I feel so alone and helpless when I think of him. The feeling reminds me of being depressed and SIing. Just had to get that off my back before I felt like Atlas again. And if anyone knows, is eating large quantities of food and then feeling guilty and starving oneself accompanied by rigorous exercise considered an eating disorder or simply a symptom of an American girl’s typical body-loathing?