Today started out fine. Everything was on track. I have a swim meet to work this weekend so I was in a van that was the companies full of merchandise to go set up. There were two of us and we were going to help eachother set up. We did the other girls first and were on the way to mine and the girl in the van in froont of me slams on her breaks making me slam on mine and a pole that was in my car goes straight to the windsheild and shatters it. Of course I keep calm pull over call my dad figure out I’m ok to drive then head home without setting up. Now I’m home and I’m freaking out. All I can think of is to si because its my fault I shattered the windsheild. Its my fault I broke it. Its my fault the company is going to lose money. I called my coworker and he talked me through it. He pointed out the pole was not suppose to be there let alone not be secure. And told me to call our manager. I called him and thank god he’s going to fix it before we return the van. So I’m kind of relieved but I still feel terrible about it. I feel like I need to be punished even though everyones telling me its not my fault. Idk I just feel stupid. Which makes me want to si even more. Ugh I’m going to try to hold off since I’ve been si free for over two months. But idk the urge is so strong!!