My urges to SI have more than doubled and my resistance to them has all but disappeared. I’m getting to the point where I know I can’t do this by myself. I’ve never really been so bad off that I actually wanted to go to an adult and ask them to help me but … right now I’m really considering going to someone. I just don’t know who to go to, I don’t want to go to my parents about it. My friend said I could talk to his mom about it but … I know she’ll go straight to my parents about it plus I’m not comfortable talking about my self injury with people that I know. I was told I should go to my pastor about it but … I just really am avoiding getting my parents involved. I know that no matter who I go to, they’re probably going to have to tell my parents. I just can’t really decide on what the best way is to ask an adult for help with self injury… so if anyone has any advice, I’d be happy for it.
I would encourage you to reach out to any of the adults you mentioned. It sounds like you may be okay that your parents have to know, but maybe you just don’t want to be the one to tell them? If that’s the case, maybe it’s okay if one of the other adults do tell them.
All we can ever do is take things one step at a time. Start by going to the adult you choose to talk with and telling them you’ve been depressed/anxious…whatever you’ve felt. Don’t feel like you have to tell them everything all at once. Just start with something small and see how they respond. Again, ONE STEP AT A TIME….. just say “I’ve been feeling really crummy lately and I wanted to find a way to get some support/help”. Take it as slowly as you want. It sounds like you have some good people on your side though – just reach out to them. You can do this!!
Best wishes, Pam
I wanted to add – it takes a lot of courage to reach out for help! It takes a lot of courage to realize you need it to. I think you’re a brave person and it’s so great you’re taking steps in the right direction!!
🙂
I’d have to agree with Pam. telling an adult is a great first step to getting help. yes, your parents will need to be involved at some point. I think that once they are involved and understand a little bit about what you are going through and realize that you have been able to make the healthy choice to ask for help, they will be very supportive of your recovery process. If your friend knows about your SI then maybe he/she can be with you for support when you tell a trusted adult? The more people you have on your side the easier it will be for you to get the help you need and feel supported in the process. I think Pam was spot on when saying that you can only take things one step at a time. She is right, you do not need to spill your whole story to someone right away. Tell them you are really concerned for yourself and that you want to get the help you realize that you need. You are very mature and brave to be able to see all on your own that you need help AND be willing to find that help through your own will. major kudos for that. If you absolutely cannot bring yourself to tell a trusted adult that you are close to, you can always look up counseling in your area online or in a phonebook and call them for help. They may have some additional ideas on how to help get your parents involved that does not put all of the focus and pressure on you. At the very least they should be able to point you in the right direction for some services. A school counselor is also a good person to utilize, if you feel comfortable telling him/her. I once had a friend that was too scared to tell an adult she knew about her issues and want for help, so we went together to a free services clinic and told them briefly what was going on. Although this place ended up not being the appropriate place for her, they were very helpful, encouraging, and they gave us both a printout on how to tell loved ones about your issues, and gave us the number for the appropriate counseling office.
douglasc said:
It breaks my heart to hear that your parents did not believe what you had to tell them. Deep down inside, some part of you must want to stop SI and to get help. I think that is woderful that you tried to be honest and tell your stepdad and mother about your SI habits. I know what it is like to have parents whom constantly find the negative. It makes for a hostile living environment (it did in my case anyways) and made me start taking their negativity as truth. This was very detrimental to my well-being. I hope that you can avoid that path. It sounds like your SI habits have increased and become a real problem for you. Acknowledging that you force yourself into moods and feel like you have to SI despite what is going on in your life is good awareness for yourself. I know that SI feels like relief and an answer to your problems, but it will only continue to be persistant or progressive. Either is doing so much more damage to yourself than you are probably able to realize at this point. If your parents will not take your words seriously then show them how serious and truthful you are by seeking help on your own. You can only stop SIing for yourself and because you want to better your own life. The sooner you let go of the fact that right now they are not supportive the sooner you can get focused on bettering yourself and working towards abstinence. I know that seems like a scary idea because you feel that it helps you. And it may, temporarily. Once you can show your parents how serious you think the SI problem is and how commited you are to getting better then they will come around. And by some tiny off chance that they don’t support you how you want them to, then throughout your recovery process you will meet people who will want you to succeed and who will support your efforts to quit SIing. The scarriest part is often reaching out for help and deciding that you want to commit to change, it gets less threatening from there. Perhaps you have a close friend or relative that you can tell about your SI habits and the both of you can seek help together? Your instinct that you should stop is correct, and your ability to look at the pattern of your SI bodes well for your treatment process. There is tons of hope for you in recovery, I pray you take the first steps.
Hi there
My name is Ella Richards and I am a Psychology Honours student at Rhodes University, South Africa and I would really like to use your post in my research.I am a self-injurer but this post regards my research into the phenomenon. I am writing a thesis on the experiences of self-injurers’ communication. It involves me finding posts across the internet, which describe how a person reacted when they found out or were told by you about your self-injury. I am researching the responses people give, and the how a self-harmer felt about this reaction.
You do not have to actively participate in this study, but I do need to gain your permission to use your post. If you do choose to allow your posts to be used, you will remain completely anonymous; pseudonyms will be used, and any personal details will be kept confidential. If you do not consent to having your posts used in my thesis, they will not be used under any circumstances. If you are happy to let me use your post, please type your username into the blank, underlined space in the consent form below this message. (Remember, your username will not be used in the research so you will not be identified). For further information, please message me or email me at g06r0030@campus.ru.ac.za. Also, a similar message about my research has been posted at this address https://selfinjury.com/blog/
Thanks for your time
Take care,
Ella
RHODES UNIVERSITY
DEPARTMENT OF PSYCHOLOGY
AGREEMENT BETWEEN STUDENT RESEARCHER AND RESEARCH
PARTICIPANT
Updated 21st April 2010
I (participant’s name)______________ agree to participate in the research project of (researcher’s name) Ella Richards on non-suicidal self-injury and communicative experiences.
I understand that:
1. The researcher is a student conducting the research as part of the requirements for an Honours degree at Rhodes University. The researcher may be contacted on 082-886-8761 or g06r0030@campus.ru.ac.za. The research project has been approved by the Research Projects and Ethics Review Committee, and is under the supervision of Prof Michael Guilfoyle in the Psychology Department at Rhodes University, who may be contacted on m.guilfoyle@ru.ac.za.
2. The researcher is interested in the non-suicidal self-injurers’ experiences of communicating with people of varying relationships about their self-injury and related experiences.
3. My participation will involve allowing my posts about this experience to be used in this research.
4. The report on the project may contain information about my personal experiences, attitudes and behaviours that I have written in my posts, but the report will be designed in such a way that it will not be possible to identify the post as mine by the general reader. My personal information and any other persons mentioned will remain anonymous.
5. I will not be asked to answer questions of a personal nature nor will I be asked to disclose any information about my contact details aside from my email address. I will not have to answer any questions regarding the posts.
6. I am invited to voice to the researcher any concerns I have about my participation in the study, or consequences I may experience as a result of my participation, and to have these addressed to my satisfaction. Online counselling websites may be contacted for further support, such as eTherapistsonline.com (http://www.etherapistsonline.com/), MyShrink, a free counselling website with 24-hour services (http://www.myshrink.com/online-crisis-counseling.php), or Ask the Internet Therapist (http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com/).
7. I am free to withdraw from the study at any time – however I commit myself to full participation unless some unusual circumstances occur or I have concerns about my participation which I did not originally anticipate.
8. I am entitled to a summary of the thesis and reflections if I request it, which will be sent to me via email.
9. I understand that as this is an electronic study I am not able to personally sign this form, but by typing my name in the allocated section, I equate this to my personal signature.
Signed on (Date):
Participant: ___________________________
Researcher: _____________________________
Hi again
I just wanted to say thank you to those of you who responded to my requests for consent, and to those of you who have posted offering your stories and help; it is greatly appreciated 🙂
I know everyone is likely to be busy, either at work or back at school, so I have decided to change the process of consent. If you are NOT comfortable with me using your posts in my research, please let me know before Friday otherwise I will take it as consent. I have contacted those whose posts I would like to use, so if I have contacted you, and you are not comfortable with this, please email or message me.
Regards,
Ella 🙂