i slipped up and sied last week. ah why cant i just stop? why cant i be happy?so my boyfriend broke up with me awhile ago but we were still friends, then we were thinking about getting back together after he came back from vistiting his biological family. i told him i loved him and then told me the same. Then he told me we cant be together because his exgirlfriend came and visited and yeah. he feels he has a obligation to her because she loves him and has for the 8 months they were together. why am i never good enough?im always there for him. for the past 2 years when he was having trouble i was there to listen. when he was having trouble with his girlfriend i was there to give advice. now i just sound selfish. why am i such a loser. ive been cheated on 2 times now. i feel just lonely and empty. next year is my senior year and i have to start trying to rewire my brain to not always be down on myself. somehow between trying to pass classes and get into college i have to start learning to love myself? ah why do i hate myself? why do i not have a connection with my family? why do i have a hard time trusting people?

imsorry for complaining its just im sick of myself and sometimes i just dont want to have to deal with stuff. im glad i found this site awhile ago. you uys are truly a blessing.

forget that this weekend i have to go to a family reunion. how weird is it going to look for me to be the only one wearing long sleeves and pants? my parents were going to tell a lie saying that i take acne medicine that makes my skin sensitive. im sick of lieing. im sick of being hot in like 90 degree weather covered up. yet again i should learn to deal, i have done it my self. sometimes ya know i just wish i could feel comforable in myself. not feel akward. but ive always felt this way.

keep going guys we are in  this fight together none of us are alone. as maynard from tool would say everything is gonna be alright(something like that cant remember what he said exactly) lol