Well, I told everyone even my therapist that i’ve been completely S.I. free since november but a month a go everything went down hill. My dad all of a sudden after being completely gone and out of my life decides that NOW now that he knows about my SI that he needs to get involved in my life but all he’s doing is putting so much pressure on me and i just can’t handle it. Then my grandmother who i am very very close with ends up in the hospital and no one knew if she was going to make it. everything just all happened so fast and all at once that i didn’t know what i was supposed to do. so I SIed. no one knows still. I don’t want everyone to think i’m weak for relapsing again. I’ve kept it cool for so long but i feel like it builds up in me so much that  i just can’t deal with it. I feel so disappointed in myself and i just don’t know how i’m going to deal with my problems anymore. talking about it with a therapist just makes me feel worse cause she makes me talk about everything that triggers me. Like how my parents expect so much out of me because of my overachieving sister, and how my dad only now wants to be a part of my life but when i needed him most he was gone. I hate lying to her cause i know she can tell how upset i am i just feel so bad. i feel like i’ve let down all the people who really think i’m getting better. I don’t know what to do. i’m hurting so bad.