I had this old coworker who I got involved with, never dated but were more than friends. We were together for almost 2 or 3 years off and on. He knew of my si and had past problems with it too so it was nice being comfortable around him and not having to cover up. But he was always into drugs and was good around me never did it when I was with him which was nice. But we lost touch for almost a year. Lately he’s been texting me and I havnt been replying. I WANT to…I just can’t. Idk he makes me feel dirty just by simply talking to him. I don’t know why and that was a reason I stopped talking to him last year. Everytime we hung out afterwards I hated myself for it and would want to si. I would hold off but there were a lot of times I couldnt. But tonight I gave in and replied, he was the same guy he was before but I just got this huge urge to si. Liike I hit the send button and was thinking of si. How does this even happen? He never hurt me. He only listened and shared his life. But idk I hate how he makes me think of si and want to si when I’ve been clear of any really bad urges for a long time.