i dont know what to do, i have self injured for over six years now. it took three years to tell anyone, i wanted to talk to my best friend about it for the longest time before i told her but it never came out right. finally three years ago i told her, making her swear not to tell anyone about it bc i didnt want anyone to treat me any different, i was still the same person, just with a bad habbit. everyone has a bad habbit here and there right?
anyway, after telling her i did stop for a while, mainly bc i thought of her everytime i was about to injur and i couldnt do that to her. but eventually i broke down and injured anyway. i didnt tell her. i let her believe that i had quit for good. i felt horrible about it but at the same time i “needed” to injur.
two years it went like that, her thinking i was okay and me knowing i was lying. one horrible night at my parents i wound up getting myself kicked out, i lived with my grandparents for a while but i just wasnt happy and everyone knew that. so i moved in with my best friend and her parents. it was harder then to keep the injuring away from her, but somehow for the first six months i did.
i told her after i royally screwed up one night, and she suggested i tell her dad. i did. and i stopped for a while, or at least i thought. i had made it a whole two months without it, which was a record for me. and everyone was happy about it, they are all happy that i was doing so well. it was good to see them happy for me so i failed to mention that i had broke down again about four months or so ago. they still think that its been a while, when in reality that’s not true.
i dont know what to do about it. i know i need to tell them, but i just cant give up this addiction that i have. i do things by myself, thats how ive always been, and i dont know how to let them in…
i hope that by joining this i can either learn to quit without hurting them in the process, or learn to let them help me.