My lack of self confidence, and lack of self-esteem is out of control today – I feel completely worthless. I want to feel better about me and who I am. I want to like myself again. It is just so difficult. I get so incredibly mad at myself for who I am and it makes me want to SI. It is such a horrible feeling to look in the mirror and despise the person looking back at me. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand me. I will just look at myself with hate and tell myself all these horrible things in my head. Things I would never think of or say to another person – ever. But I feel like I deserve all the hate I give myself.
I am so in need of a friend and I have none. I feel like an insignificant loner.
A lot of self hate today and I am trying to use the tools I have learned about soothing myself with positive things, etc. But then I feel like I don’t deserve those things. Why should I reward myself – who I hate. That is why I SI.
I am still on the long streak of being SI free – but I get so angry at myself sometimes it is hard to control those urges lately. I just need someone to talk to. I am sinking and I wish I had a friend in this new place to talk to and help pull me up. I need some support and someone who understands.
I know I may be a complete stranger, but if you ever need someone to talk to I’m here to listen, just email me sometime if you want at rebekahleeann@gmail.com. I’ve been going through and have gone through those same types of feelings, and no one should ever have to feel alone, and you’re not alone.
I know how you feel.I started injuring in the sixth grade and I am now a freshman.I hated myself soo much that I could hardly look at myself.My school counselor tried to talk to me about the way i was acting because I used to be the happiest person in my school and every teacher new me from my smile.I wouldnt talk to anyone and really wasnt going to talk to her about what i was doing. Then i would gradually talk to her and then i would ask her questions about injuring.then finally my stepmom saw my scars and i was so scared.I still hate myself but not as much because i had someone to talk to but now i am going to a new school with no school counselor and i am afaid i might get worst.I would like to be your fried and help you if you can help me to.
If you ever want to talk iheartwater@hotmail.com. if you want to text ill send you my number through email. Take care and stay strong. <3
Hi there
My name is Ella Richards and I am a Psychology Honours student at Rhodes University, South Africa and I would really like to use your post in my research.I am a self-injurer but this post regards my research into the phenomenon. I am writing a thesis on the experiences of self-injurers’ communication. It involves me finding posts across the internet, which describe how a person reacted when they found out or were told by you about your self-injury. I am researching the responses people give, and the how a self-harmer felt about this reaction.
You do not have to actively participate in this study, but I do need to gain your permission to use your post. If you do choose to allow your posts to be used, you will remain completely anonymous; pseudonyms will be used, and any personal details will be kept confidential. If you do not consent to having your posts used in my thesis, they will not be used under any circumstances. If you are happy to let me use your post, please type your username into the blank, underlined space in the consent form below this message. (Remember, your username will not be used in the research so you will not be identified). For further information, please message me or email me at g06r0030@campus.ru.ac.za. Also, a similar message about my research has been posted at this address https://selfinjury.com/blog/
Thanks for your time 🙂
Take care,
Ella
RHODES UNIVERSITY
DEPARTMENT OF PSYCHOLOGY
AGREEMENT BETWEEN STUDENT RESEARCHER AND RESEARCH
PARTICIPANT
Updated 21st April 2010
I (participant’s name)______________ agree to participate in the research project of (researcher’s name) Ella Richards on non-suicidal self-injury and communicative experiences.
I understand that:
1. The researcher is a student conducting the research as part of the requirements for an Honours degree at Rhodes University. The researcher may be contacted on 082-886-8761 or g06r0030@campus.ru.ac.za. The research project has been approved by the Research Projects and Ethics Review Committee, and is under the supervision of Prof Michael Guilfoyle in the Psychology Department at Rhodes University, who may be contacted on m.guilfoyle@ru.ac.za.
2. The researcher is interested in the non-suicidal self-injurers’ experiences of communicating with people of varying relationships about their self-injury and related experiences.
3. My participation will involve allowing my posts about this experience to be used in this research.
4. The report on the project may contain information about my personal experiences, attitudes and behaviours that I have written in my posts, but the report will be designed in such a way that it will not be possible to identify the post as mine by the general reader. My personal information and any other persons mentioned will remain anonymous.
5. I will not be asked to answer questions of a personal nature nor will I be asked to disclose any information about my contact details aside from my email address. I will not have to answer any questions regarding the posts.
6. I am invited to voice to the researcher any concerns I have about my participation in the study, or consequences I may experience as a result of my participation, and to have these addressed to my satisfaction. Online counselling websites may be contacted for further support, such as eTherapistsonline.com (http://www.etherapistsonline.com/), MyShrink, a free counselling website with 24-hour services (http://www.myshrink.com/online-crisis-counseling.php), or Ask the Internet Therapist (http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com/).
7. I am free to withdraw from the study at any time – however I commit myself to full participation unless some unusual circumstances occur or I have concerns about my participation which I did not originally anticipate.
8. I am entitled to a summary of the thesis and reflections if I request it, which will be sent to me via email.
9. I understand that as this is an electronic study I am not able to personally sign this form, but by typing my name in the allocated section, I equate this to my personal signature.
Signed on (Date):
Participant: ___________________________
Researcher: _____________________________