This is my first blog and i have sooo much to say. I guess ill start with some background info. I started si in the spring of this year and was put in the hospital shortly after. Of all that I have been through that was still really hard. After I got out of the hospital I was doing really well. unfortunately things changed. I started to get depressed again and just si about a week ago. I was really disappointed in myself for doing it, but it did make me feel better. And i like to si. I know its bad but i cant help it. I want to get better for this girl. shes amazing and she actually cares about me. I hate hurting her and every time i do it she has terriable dreams because her ex boyfriend died by his own hand. Another thing that bothers me is that my best friend got a boyfriend who is just horriable. Things he says about me to other people make me si. He has taken her away from me and I dont like it. when things were at their worst she was there for me. I guess I just have problems with taking things in. I talked to my therapist and I think Im on the road to recovery. Im at the first level of not si. I just destract myself for the time being. And the other night it worked. I didn’t si. it felt good. but still sometimes its hard.