I had to put my cat to sleep yesterday. He was 3 yrs old and he had a urinary infection that blocked his urinary tract and the surgery to fix him was $1,200 minimum…we couldnt afford that and he was in a lot of pain so we had to 🙁 I am so sad. I was trying to be the strong one at the vet hospital….it was 2am and we were stressed and my girlfriend was a basketcase so I had to talk to the vet and sign the papers and when we were in the room saying goodbye to him I couldn’t deal. I don’t know, I just couldn’t hold it in for another minute and I hate crying in front of people so I rushed out of the room to the bathroom and exploded with emotion and I self-injured.  I didn’t think, I just acted.  It’s so sad to loose a pet, he was part of our little family. I brought a “tool” with me in a rushed moment leaving the house for the vet er just in case. I shouldn’t have. It didn’t make me feel any better at all…I’m not even sure what I thought it would accomplish…It didnt give me that release feeling,it didn’t give me that distraction feeling…its just what I did in a moment of intensity and I hurt so I hurt myself and I dont know why. I’m just sad and I miss my Leo and I wish I was better able to deal with my emotions. I’m using a different form of injuring now….I can’t seem to find a fulfilling coping mechanism 🙁