I know there isnt a deffinate answer to that question, but its just bugging me. Ive been on disability for like 3 years now. Ive had a few jobs since them, but none of them were really me nitch. So i just got a job last week that would have really been my nitch if it wasnt for the circumstance surrounding it. Its a compant that works with individuals with developmental disabilities. The ones who most refer to as retarded. I dont like to see them called that though. Well, my job was to work in a home where 3 young ladies lived. They require 24hour care. I was very nervious about if id be able to take care of them. But almost as soon as i stepped foot in their home, i knew it was my nitch. So i got attached to the girls in like the first two days. I was extatic. I liked the work. It offered binifits, and oppertunities for advancement, and i could tell it was going to be a very rewarding job. My first disapointment was that 3 out of the 5 days id work would b midnights, so id really be cleaning while they slept. Not only was that disapointing for obvious reasons, but about a month ago, i had taken on a commitment with 2 ladys my age who are collage students, who are wheelchair bound with muscular distrophy. They needed someone to put them to bed and stay all night incased they needed help, or if they needed to turn over in bed. Being on disability, they couldnt afford to pay anyone, and since they do not have developmental issues, their agency would only pay for someone during the day to provide care. So they were willing to offer room and board. So i moved in with them, and working midnights was going to interfere with that. I worked out a deal with them thought that if someone else was willing to take my place on the nights i couldnt be there, i would pay that person 25$ a night, which is reasonable for about an hours work and speeping the rest ot the night. This was agreed to be the plan. THe nex day however, they told me that it would only work if i was willing to put them to bed before i went to work, just have that person spend the night. They said it would be easier to find someone if all they had to do was come and sleep here incase they were needed. I didnt say anything, but i thought, of course it would be easy to find someone willing to get paid if the chances of them accually having to work were slim. So anyway since i would be working a 9 hour shift starting at midnight when i worked nights, and they like to go to bed around 9 or 9:30, virtually i would be putting in a 12 hour day (night) for like 35$ after i paid some one to sleep here. So just a recap pay someone 25$ for being here 8 hours or so sleeping, while i make 35$ working for 12 hours. Kinda made me feel a little taken to the cleaners. Then there was the issue that when i did have day shift, which was on saturday and sunday, from 8am to 8pm, not only would i have no leisure time on the weekends, but i would have to miss church every week, and church has been a vital part of my recovery. I no its not a popular oppinion, but my relationship with God comes first in my life. My mental health is always at ist best when im spiritualy healthy, and the opposite is true, it is at is worst when im lacking in that area. THe boss said he was gonna hire someone else to take on some of the hours in that house so i could go to church, but a woman whos been working there for like 5 years said htat he had been saying that since she started, and hadnt done it. Nevertheless, i was willing to be patient and give him a chance. So then theres the issue of transportation. Im getting a car friday, and at the time of hire, i was told the training would take 6 months. So i figured i could use public transportation to get to the training til then. But then they start me in the house last friday. 6 months of trianing suddenly turned to 3 days. And not only was i responsible to get to work which was a house located about 10 miles past where public transportation runs, 8 hours after they stop running, but i was also expected to transport clients to work in the morning before i went home. Well, a friend of mine who reciently bought a car, and still das her old one said i could borrow the old one til i got one. Then monday, she decided id had it long enough, like a weekend that i work 24 houts out of was time enought ot get a car even if i didnt have to wait til friday to get the money. So i was stuck without a way to get to work, and transport my clients. Then as i was looking over my schedule, to try to find someone to atleast drop me off at work, i realized how obserd my schedule from yesterday to thursday was going to be. I was supposed to go to a 4 hour class, then report to work 3 hours later, get off at 9 in the morning, be at an inservice at 10:15 til like 11:30am, come to another inservice at 4pm, get out at 5:30, just in time to hopefully make it to class at 6, get out at 10, and try to make it to work at 10:30, work til 7:30am, which would be thursday morning. Since i have court to finalize my divorce thursday morning, i would be going almost 48 hours (2 days) with only two substantial breaks, one 3 hours, and one 4.5. The chances of sleep during those breaks would be slim being as, thuy would be spent taking a shower, eating, finding a ride to my next obligation, and preparing to be there. Is it just me but doesnt that seem a little rediculous for even a healthy person? Does it even seem safe for someone to be taking care of people who are depentant on them to stay alert, and not mess up thier medicine or not fall asleep at the wheel while driving them to thier jobs? So i debated in my mind over what to do. As a sidenote, part of managing bipolar disorder which i have is getting adequite sleep, and trying to maintain balance. So i took into account my living situation with the ladies i take care of at home, took into account my relationship with God, the toll it would take on my mental and physical health, the safety of the clients, and what i would be spending to be able to maintain the job and the room and board situation. I took into accoun the fact that during the interview, i was told that i would work between 30 and 35 hours a week. I had already worked between 55 and 60 the first week, and this week was looking like somewhere arround 65. So i called to tell them that i would be quitting, i offered to work the two shifts they had me scheduled so they didnt have to rush to cover it, and then i would be done. My superviser said well i can get it covered, and i was supposed to start trianing someone this week to cover some of the hours, but you just need to call the office tommorrow and tell them that youre quitting, and hung up on me. Yea, someone whose supposed to be a professional hung up on me. So ive been up all nigh anyway, cause i cant settle in my ming that i did the right thing. On one hand i passed up a job that i would have loved working with developmental disbled clients. I had felt luck to have a job at all after lokking for like 4 months. but on the other hand i had thought i was ding the bes thing for my mental health, the ladies im taking care of at home, the clients, and my relationship with God. Now i just dont know if i had of toughed it out throught the 2 gruling days, and gave up church long enought to let things get ironed out would thing have had a good outcome? I guess i will never know that, and thats what i hate, is not knowing if things would have been better had i made a different dicision, or would they be worse. They could have been a lot worse, i could have given the wrong pill cause i wasnt alert, and been charged with a crime if it injured the client. I could have been in the psych ward before the two days were over, and with ouf a job over that. Theres so many things that could have gone wrong, but so many that could have gone right, ind it trubles me not knowing. Whats really bothersome is that instead of getting the sleep i quit so i could get, ive been up all night pondering over wether it was the right thing or not. What if i never get another chance to do work that i enjoy so much as i would have this under the right circumstances?