so on my journey to heal…i went and found the book that is supported by S.A.F.E.
OKAY SO I BECAME VERY ANXIOUS AND ANNOYED…idk…started reading it then i flipped to various sections in the book…then i saw the self evaluation…and then thats what made me want to throw the book…majority of the questions where more in depth than i was willing to go at the time and or admit…in turn i put the book back on the self in the incorrect spot…emotionally drained…i guess apart of me wants a quick fix…and another just wants to block it out and act as if it DOES NOT EXIST…and wait until the next time i slip…both options are a BIG FAT negative…i made a choice today to reach out to 2 of my friends and asked them to be apart of me support system and that i need help…and i cannot do it alone emotionally alone any longer… i need to speak…or i will explode…
how does a “normal” person feel on a daily basis…geez…can i trade for a day so i can have some emotional peace 🙂
i dont have any urges to s.i. but i do just want to take a sleep aid so i can sleep…ive chosen not to…ive opted to stay awake and deal with the fright in my stomach…i hope i effectively communicated to my friend today that i love her and want her in my life…i hope…its really causing me great angst at the current moment…because their are soo many emotions between us that i cannot cope with or verbalize effectively…which makes me close up and just say forget it…i opted to email her despite my urge to close up and keep it all to myself…its all part of the process…ive never asked anyone for anything or confided in anyone…the last time i did…my life was destroyed with all my life’s secrets bare for all to know…she tricked me…she got me to trust her…she got me to view her as a friend/confidant…i thought she was someone that understood what i was going through and would help me…but instead she ruined me…SHE IS THE REASON I QUESTION EVERYONE AND THEIR KINDNESS…she hurt me…i was devastated…so from then on out all my interactions were shallow and one sided…i never told anyone more than they needed to know about…my life story has never been longer than a paragraph since 2005…
p.s. i do plan to try and read the book again
Take your time – yes, the book is rather straightforward and direct. That is part of the books’ beauty…
When you are ready to face your problem, you will. No one is trying to make you face it, but you are surrounded by others here who do understand where you are coming from in terms of dealing with the behaviors… Yes, it is hard, we know and we understand.
You are not alone.
don’t become discouraged or frustrated! you have to be honest with yourself, and this book definitely tries to teach you how to do that. you are the only one looking at tis self evaluation, and it is solely for you to try and figure out the underlying causes of your injury and generally figure out where you stand as a person. don’t be afraid or ashamed or get angry if something is telling you the truth. just accept it accordingly.
no one on this good green earth is ‘normal’. there is no definition for normalcy, nor is there for perfection. as long as you are happy with you and you can live with yourself and trust yourself and be yourself, you are on good terms. the most important relationship you will ever have in life is one with yourself. i encourage you to continue reading bodily harm. it may be hard to swallow at some points, because it may reveal some things about you that you either never saw before, or don’t want to see. you just have to be open minded and willing to accept that everything and everyone is flawed, and that relating to this book may not necessarily be a bad thing. it may help you change, grow, and recover. it did that much for me.
all the best to you with this, and you are loved. and definitely not alone.
<3 rescue