I am sad and feeling very alone with how I feel right now. My confidence level has gone down quite a bit lately and I feel that everyone is judging me. I have so much I should be happy about right now and all I feel is sad, and angry – mostly at myself. I get so down on myself and want to take it all out on my body.

I recently read some news article about how there is this small business in some city that rents out friends. So if you want to do something with someone like scrapbooking you can rent a friend for a few hours to share your scrapbooking craft with you. So I was talking to someone at work about this and she made fun of it saying why would anyone do that. Who doesn’t have friends. I was too ashamed and embarrassed to tell her that I am one of those people who could use a friend.

It has been over three months since I moved to a new city and I still feel so lonely and “friendless”. Not that I think having someone to hang out with would cure everything, but I feel it may give me a small boost in my self esteem. I start to get really down on myself thinking that everyone is judging me and secretly disliking me. And I know it is not “all about me” and  that people probably don’t judge me because they don’t even notice me, but somehow that makes me feel worse.

I have wanted to Si a lot more in the past few weeks. I am trying to stay strong and as positive as  my low self confidence and low self esteem will let me, but I am slowly losing the battle.