I miss the old me. The 13 year old who didn’t have any major problems. The 12 year old whose biggest worry was morning swim practice. The 11 year old getting ready for a piano recital. The 10 year old who had a great birthday.

I miss the 16 year old who had control of her life. I miss the 17 year old who si’d. I miss the 18 year old who was sleeping around and not caring. I miss the 19 year old who started college fresh and ready to learn.

I wish I could go back and visit one day out of each year of my life. The biggest thing I miss is si. It was the one thing I hated but the one thing that made me who I am today. I don’t know if I’m making sense. But sometimes I feel like si was the best thing that could ever happen to me. But other times its the worst. I’ve wanted to si all day today. I’ve wanted to injure and not look back. I wish I could not look back. Cuz then I think too much and miss too much. I want to be happy. I need to be happy. How am I suppose to be happy when the one thing I had ultimate power over is out of my control?