its been around 3 weeks sense i last SIed. i am happy kind of. the urges are getting more random. it has almost been 2 years sense i started. it is really weird what can happen in that amount of time. i mean i was torn down then i grew so much. now i am being honest, acting myself and not creating myself for other people. i am happy…but then i slip back into my old way of thinking and it hurts even more now because i felt what it was like to be me to be free from my twisted way of thinking. sometimes i feel so alone just cold, like the deep in the soul cold. i want to be held and told it will be okay that i can grow and keep on going. but i have never had a lovey touchy feely home. its always been the you know i love you its just we dont show it very often type deal. like i love my parents its just there is no connection, the relationship seems shallow. and i have come to terms with that. i just dont have a relationship wth my parents like some other people do. i just want a hug sometimes ya know. that sounds really immature and lame but it is something i just really want sometimes…

keep fighting the good fight, even when you feel like there is nothing left to fight for