the other day…well its hard for me to even admit what i did the other day…just putting it in written words is hard…to see the words manifest on the page is tough to swallow…because i have yet to admit i have a problem…but the problem is…in a sick way im “okay” with it…its been almost a year since my last self injury…well im not too sure of that…because its as if i go into a trance and i block it all from memory…its almost like an out of body experience…like im not myself for the time im engaging…it scares me because i thought i had “cured myself” years ago…i been self injuring since i was in about the 7th grade and now im 23 yrs old…i haven’t done it regularly in years…maybe once or twice out the year…but this time i broke…i have such a strong urge just to lock myself away and just DO IT…..i want help but idk what to do…bc i have spoke about to close friends but as in a way like i was a SURVIVOR and “cured”…but how do i tell someone its still so hard and i want to start again…how do i cope with that…i believe since I’m older now i do realize i have a problem…but i can not acknowledge it…I’m still in shock i self injured once again…I’m terrified of what that might mean for me…am i crazy or unstable…im just soo scared to seek help…because im ashamed…but im afraid if i don’t tell now it will turn into my dirty little secret that no one knows…and ill be STUCK IN ANOTHER 5 YR LOOP…