So. I’m 27 years old. I am engaged to be married. I have been an injurer  since I was 12. Three years ago, I had a particularly rough experience that resulted in something like stitches. Since I have been “good”. I recognize how quickly the act can spiral out of control and how dangerous it is. So over the past three years I have probably slipped up five to ten times but none very seriously. Three days ago I had a fantastic day. I met with the officiant of my wedding to discuss the ceremony (which was awesome and very successful). I then went to my friend’s birthday party. I drank some. But I was happy. Genuinely enjoying myself. Once home I realized I was pretty intoxicated. I was preparing for bed and the next thing I know, I’ve injured myself. I’m in the bathroom trying to cover it all up. I come to bed smiling at my fiance as though nothing is wrong. Remember this isn’t something I engage in anymore. I am known by my friends and my fiance as recovered, not suffering. Now here I am with an injury.  I don’t understand! I don’t do this anymore and I’m happier than I have every been. What thought ran through my mind that gave me permission or even just made it seem like a good idea to injure myself? Am I going to suffer from this forever? I am too old for this!