So many thoughts are running through my head all the time. At night when I lie down to sleep everything in my head gets so loud. I replay all of the fights with my parents. I hear all of the hurtful, negative things my mother says over and over again.
I’m two months clean but I feel like I’m hanging by a thread. Things have been so bad at home and I was released from therapy because I was doing so well. Of course, as soon as I’m released from therapy things get bad again. Next Monday I’m seeing my psychiatrist for my medicine so maybe he’ll recommend a new therapist or something. Where I use to go was for children and I’m almost 18 so they tried to phase me out so I could handle things on my own or start going to a therapist for adults.
this is a lot of rambling, I know. Just have a lot bouncing around up there and need someone to listen/read, even if it’s just Pam or whoever else monitors these.
I really miss my girlfriend. It’s so hard dealing with my parents not accepting my sexuality. All of my friends go hang out with the boyfriends and go to the movies and it makes me so jealous. I just want to be able to pick my girl up and take her out, so what if i’m a girl too, we love each other.
There’s just been so much going on. I have early practices for dance team monday-thursday so it’s really hard for me to hang out with anyone. it’s summer but i don’t like staying out too late and then having to get up at 6 the next morning so i’m alone a lot which so isn’t good for me. I hate being alone every night.
all of this stress and this too much alone time is making the urges so much stronger. sometimes i sit in my room and the urges are so strong that i can’t move because i know that if i do i’ll run straight to my sharp.
sorry for this long pointless post.