Ok so I went for my appointment with the psychiatrist no medication or hospitalization. I don’t have to go back for 2 months. After I waited to see my counselor,but it was just to see what the psychiatrist said cause 10 o’clock showed up.She said that if he (the psychiatrist) thinks that my S.M. is bad enough he will hospilatize me.She said that I would get a case manager and they would decide the stuff.Nicole (my counselor) also gave my mom a site to go to to get info on S.M.,and ways to support me.All of this got me thinking I have to get really bad.Only cause I don’t like it at my house that is the only reason I want my M.S. to get bad enough that I will end up hospitalized.Nicole also said that the case manager may even just put me in one of the places where you have to stay for like 3 to 6 months.Instead of one where you just have to stay for a couple of days.When she was saying all of this I really wanted my M.S. to get bad enough for this to happen.ONLY because I REALLY DON’T LIKE IT at MY HOUSE! My mom was just there with a worried look on her face and said wow when she said the 3 to 6 months.I know I sound crazy to want to get bad enough to get hospitalized,but I just REALLY CAN’T TAKE IT at my house.
Going to the hospital is not where you want to if your goal is to get out of your house, rather than get better. Not all hospitals specialize or even have experience with self-injury, so you might not get what you are asking for… some hospitals will medicate you up so far you can’t even walk straight! Some are wonderful and listen and are willing to help you start getting to the core of your behaviors, but many are not that way.
Self-injuriers often have it hard when they are on a unit with other people who have other psychiatric disorders. Very VERY few people on the unit where I was for 23 weeks dealt with self-injury (and an eating disorder, along with other symptoms), so patients asked questions and most of the staff hadn’t been trained properly (before I came, they learned hands on with me) how to handle someone who has self-inflicted injuries and deals with self-injury. It can turn out to be horrible, rather than a place to be rescued.
I was blessed with a doctor who helped to save my life. I’m still in touch with her, even though I was discharged 4.5 weeks ago. I was also blessed with many staff members who really and truly wanted to help me get better, not just get me out of there and onto someone else who could deal with me.
Self-injurers get a bad rep in the hospitals sometimes too and not everyone on the staff will be nice. They often pre-judge you and can be very rude in their comments, especially since the wounds are self-inflicted. Some will be nice, some will be so rude and inconsiderate that it will feel worse than being out in the real world. Other patients might not be healthy enough to understand and yes, they will ask personal and often offensive questions.
Case workers aren’t some amazing gift, as you have to work with them and they have to work with you. They may or may not have experience with self-injury either, so it can be uncomfortable. They might want to do something more radical, rather than conservative.
Your degree of self-injury might not get you what you want. It will leave you scarred up, afraid, and possibly in a much worse situation than you could ever imagine. If you are doing it for attention or to get what you want/ to manipulate someone into giving you what you want (like getting out of your house) — be very careful because you are going into waters with sharks. Someone might see through your behaviors and you might end up in juvi hall because you are doing it for attention, rather than to cope. You might end up on lots and lots of meds, be taken out of your local school, maybe even be put into foster care if they believe the problems are big enough to disrupt your family.
I’m being honest with you, not trying to scare you. I’m sorry you are hurting so much, but hurting yourself WORSE won’t help you or anyone else. What you do today, you’ll be dealing with 20 years from now. The scars fade, but they never go away completely… and I know… as I’ve got scars from my teen years and I’m approaching 30 now. Professionally, the scars aren’t very acceptable and it is so hard being an adult covered with scars from self-injury.
My email is cratclif@gmail.com if you want to talk more.
Thank you for your concern and I am not doing any of this for attention it’s a copeing that I use.And honestly none of these really scares me at all.and don’t worry I was already haveing some doubts about getting worse just to get out of my house.I can just try running away again,but if that doesn’t work then whatever!
Wanting out of your house is understandable, but the hospital isn’t an “escape”. The hospital can be a truly scary place, unless you are in a place that has the experience to help you. Before you can get help though, you must want it.
What is so terrible at home that makes you want to run away?
I undestand that,and what makes me want to run away is so many things.I feel like a PRISONER in my own house I know they try to UNDERSTAND me,but they just don’t get it! They don’t know how it is for me for a S.Ier. and they NEVER will! There’s other stuff too but,i’de rather NOT mention it.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want people who haven’t had to experience self-injury to fully understand… because unless you have walked in our shoes, you won’t really understand. If you have a child who does it, you will have a different perspective. If you are a doctor or nurse who treats those of us who self-injure, then you will have yet another perspective. If you have a friend who does it, then there comes another perspective.
Yes, your parents do understand. They understand what it is like to watch someone they brought into the world intentionally cause harm to their body in order to cope with life. They know you are hurting. They know you are frustrated. They know you are being rebellious and acting out over something. They know you are fighting for control and independence. Yes, they do know. They do understand and they love you!
Until you are 18, yup – you will probably live with your parents. There are so many wonderful things you don’t have to worry about… like having to hold a job and having to pay bills and having to go to school at the same time. You have a warm bed to sleep in and a roof over your head. Until you have been homeless, then you won’t understand — I’ve been homeless, okay? It isn’t pretty and it wasn’t until I was on my death bed that my folks let me back into their home… and that was only until I could get additional treatment because of self-injury.
You sound like you are screaming and yelling and trying to get someone’s attention. Who are you trying to get attention from? What are you trying to express through your self-injury?
Honestly I don’t know how to respond to this,but yes yes I am screaming through my self-injury.I am not trying to get attention from anyone I DO NOT self injure for attention! I am not trying to express anything through my self-injury it’s just the way I COPE.
You say you are not expressing anything through your self-injury, yet you also say you are SCREAMING through your self-injury. Then what are you screaming about? Screaming is a way we express ourselves, usually not something good… unless we are screaming for joy.
Coping is how we express. When some people get mad, they express or cope with their anger by kicking the wall or reading a scary book or going for a long walk. Coping is a form of expression, often a form of expression that exhibits self-control and self-management of emotions. It takes a lot for someone who is angry to not go beat someone up, just like it would take a lot for the same angry person to go read a book to calm down and escape their anger. Self-injury is often used to escape and as a way to express what we are feeling.
So, I’ll ask you again – what are you screaming about through your self-injury?
I’m not trying to scream anything!