My weight has always been an issure. Since I was little I waas the bigger girl. Recently I’ve been working out. Its been over six months. I’ve lost three pounds. Like I try hard. With a personal trainer. I think of my weight it makes me want to si. I think of how hard I train with nothing happening I want to si. I was driving the other day and I was thinking to myself I should si to control my hunger. THAT’S what scares me. If I’m willing to harm myself on the outside to get where I want to be on the inside…isn’t that messed up? Isn’t that what people call crazy? I don’t want to harm myself. But I’m tired of being a fat girl. I’m tired of buying six pairs of jeans when I find a pair that fit right cuz its so hard to find that size. I’m tired of being an 18. I don’t know how to change myself. I need a new addiction. Why can’t it be a healthy one? I’m sorry I’m complaining so much.