Im so frusterated. Here i sit gloomy again, wanting to cry. Im beggining to wonder the same thing as everyone else around me, will i ever get it together? O wait, ive wondered that for a long time. Its just that its looking more like thats never gonna happen. Im sittin here wanting to si so bad, and wanting to cry, and wanting to lash out at my soon to be ex-husband, and wanting to make a very permenet dicision, wishing i could just go to sleep, but my mind is to cluttered, besides normal people dont sleep at 2:45 in  the afternoon, and normal is what i want to be, so i may as well try to fake it. Oh yea, normal people contribute to the world anound the, in  more that just a negitive way, guess i coming up way short on that one. So here i am, just going through the motions, willing myself to go on, and at the same time hating myself. Just this time last week, everyone was so proud of me, and i was even a little proud of myself. I was going through my divorce with out letting it get the best of me, like a robot, like everyone expected, not crying over spilt milk, not allowing myself to acknowlage the hurt, not grieving, after all, im supposed to be beyond all that. So, here i am, cant do it anymore, cant pretend im perfectly ok that my dream was ripped from my heart. Oh my i let everyone down, im not a strong person, im not resilliant, and i dont have much enurance. The sooner people will accept these things, the sooner i can stop worring about letting them down. Its all i can do to not let them, myself, and God down, like forever, the kind of down you cant come back up from, but im not going to, i will find some faulse hope to cling to to get me through for now, til i find another one to carry me a little further.