So with all the big changes in my life, I am trying to force things to settle more than they can at the moment. In all the time I have been forcing life to return to some sense of normalcy, I am realizing that I am not happy doing what I am with my life. I have a decent job and a good education. But I don’t contribute to anything other than what is important to a corporate world. With all that I have been through, I want to help others. I am doing volunteer stuff which is good, but I want make a profession out of doing something like that. I know there are a zillion jobs out there that are in the “helping” field but I feel stuck. I know there is room for growth and movement – it is just not easy to take that step, especially after I just took some huge ones lately and then to make the step in the direction to go in. I don’t know what that is quite yet.
Since my recent life changes have been a bigger adjustment that I have anticipated I have made the steps to get back into therapy again – the only downside is now that I am in a new location I have to develop a relationship with another therapist. I have not SIed in over six months, and although I have wanted to lately I have not, and I want to make sure to stay on that track. It is time to start liking myself again, and that means not putting anymore intentional scars on it.
Also, I have taken it upon myself to try life without meds again. So far so good. I feel with all the changes going on why not make some positive changes to get what I want from life – even if I don’t know 100% what that is.
A lot of rambling – sorry. I am just going through all these different thoughts in my head and trying to figure things out – most importantly what I want to do with my life (SI free- hopefully).