I went to FFA camp this past week, it was okay and then I got a text from my dad saying how much he misssed me and wished he could hang out with me. I don’t ever talk to him or spend time with him, so it through me off. It through me off and upset me enough that I SI’d at camp. Then the day after I SI’d a speaker came in and talked all about how people shouldn’t throw their lives away by drugs and suicide and I just fell apart. I felt really stupid crying in front of everyone but I just was so upset. After the speaker was done he talked to me a bit and he kept asking why which made me cry harder cause I don’t have very definant reasons. Bullying started me in my depression but it changed since then … now it’s just a mixture of things. I just found out that bypolarness and depression run in my family so … I’m pretty screwed. I just found out my cousin SI’s on my dad’s side and someone on my mom’s side just passed on due to SI. I don’t want to end up like them, I want to resolve my problem but everytime I get some ground, I’ve got to turn myself around again. I just really struggle making positive progress.