I haven’t written in awhile…but I really need some good advice. Me and my boyfriend broke up what seems like forever ago, but it was honestly only two or three months. I cling to his memory for dear life. Everything about him, everything he’s ever given me or anything like that. We still care about each other, it’s just we can’t see each other. So we are waiting until we both turn 18. It just feels…so unlikely, and I can sense his feelings are changing. And he can probably sense mine changing too. I’m not the same person anymore. Depression has swept over me. No one wants to be around someone who’s always unhappy. I haven’t self injured since he saw the injury from a month ago, and screamed at me. He practically ordered me to get help, but I wouldn’t. I thought I was okay but when feelings started changing, my depression worsened. I’m constantly thinking of self injury..or something worse. Just constantly feeling bad about myself and not good enough, and I feel self manipulation is the only way. And it’s not like my parents help…the act like they barely care about me. I need help but I’m scared…I don’t want to be sent away to an institution. Can someone please just give me their input on this whole situation and help me to find the courage to help myself?
When I was younger my psychologist (the fourth out of what would be six) decided that I was clinically depressed. She attempted to put me on medication and send me away to a hospital where I could get well. Unfortunately, colleges don’t look favorably on applications stamped with crazy. So I begged my father to care about me enough to let me cure myself. He hadn’t been involved in much besides paying the bills at that point. After battling with the desire to injure with no one helping me, I learned that it was easier than I’d thought, and harder. Sometimes the people you rely on really affect your struggles. If you rely on your ex you will likely feel abandoned and hopeless because he can’t be there for you like you need him to be. If you rely on your parents you may be disappointed with their reactions (no one is perfect) but at least you will have the comfort of knowing that they will stick with you until you find your way out of the labyrinth. I don’t know your ex, but I know what mine was like during that period of my life. He couldn’t handle the pressure, not that I blamed him. Try not to set yourself up for failure, though. If you know you’re not a healthy person, don’t cough on the one you love. It’s not being a martyr or a victim. It’s the first step of getting better. Eat some chicken soup and take the day off school or work. Same principles apply to mental health as physical 🙂 Cheering for you!