My sister and I fight nonstop, literally. She doesn’t understand how much every hurtful word that comes out of her mouth hurts me. I have a really bad problem with staying clean when people are treating me badly. I treat myself badly and I do that when I really hate myself, and right now, I really hate myself. I keep thinking about the materials for s.i.s are in the bathroom and those thoughts won’t leave me alone. I don’t know what to do. He’s normally always there for me, he was that anti drug that I had to keep me clean. He was my detox system and my best friend. Now he’s just that best friend that I rarely ever get to talk to.