I have been thinking a lot recently about what my purpose is. I am in my late 20s and I feel worthless. I wake up most mornings and hate what path I have chosen. I am still young enough to follow a different path, but I don’t know what that is. I hate waking up in the morning dreading the day because I have to go to a job I don’t like and work in a field that I don’t enjoy, even though that is what I went to school for. I have realized passion does not lie in my line of work. I hate it and I hate that it makes me depressed everyday. I want a change. I want to be happy and enjoy life.
I think part of the depression comes from a chemical imbalance. When I was seeing a psychiatrist, I was put on depression medication (which I was against), and to my surprise it helped – a lot. But something is still missing – and that feeling is getting worse. I just took on a huge change in my life and the tranistion period is so difficult. I don’t think I can handle it. Everyone seems to think I should just be fine, but change is a huge deal, and it so hard to deal with.
I am struggling so much right now – so much. I need help, I need support, but I am in a new place and know no one. I am so alone and I don’t know where to go. I cry everyday, and have the urge to SI all the time. I need help before I completely lose myself.