Sometimes I think I deserve to be unhappy. All the years I spent SIing, hurting my body. All the times I have wanted to take it all away, and the one time I tried.  I feel the unending road to finding happiness is my punishment. I am blessed and I take everything for granted.

Maybe this is what it is supposed to be like – and if it is, how am I going to make it through. I am going down several paths and nothing is leading me that happy place. I wish things were different. I wish I didn’t make mistakes, especially the mistakes that negatively impact other people. I am so sorry for that.

I am losing myself again and I don’t know what path to take anymore. I don’t want to keep searching for something that isn’t there.

I know this is rather depressing, but it has been one of those days.