I’m always hesitant to reach out to people nowadays. Which is so foreign to me because I used to be such an emotionally dependent person. I used to expose my injuries; not in the sense that I would show them off and brag.. I just wouldn’t do anything to hide them. I figured “No, I did it. I shouldn’t hide it” but now I go through drastic measure to hide them.
I feel so weird sometimes. When I do it.. I make every excuse to be able to stop and stare at them. It’s to the point where I leave class to go in the stall just so I can privately stare in awe of what I had done. I don’t know how to explain how I feel when I see it either. It’s a twisted fascination that I know is entirely unhealthy. So why can’t I stop? Some of my close friends know, but they think the issue has been resolved a long time ago. If only they knew.. One person knows I’m still dealing with it. Because he’s dealing with it too. It helps to go through something together with someone. I feel so vulnerable reaching out though. But I’m trying.