I was wondering if anyone could help me out here. This year I started S.I, and I barely know why. I mean, I’ve been what I guess you could say, depressed for two years now. I have my ups and downs, like everyone, I guess. I go from super happy to really sad. My therapist thought I was bipolar, had ADD, or that I’m just a moody teenager. I know that a lot of the time when my mood changes, it’s because I run out of energy, and when I’m tired, I don’t have any interest in doing good things. So it can be really confusing. But a lot of the time, I feel like if I don’t have a person there to keep me happy at that moment, I give up on things and I just start to fall. It’s hard to have a continuous person or thing to keep me going. I do things to keep me feeling alive, like listening to music, singing, making jewelery. I make posters and collages with pictures and quotes and lyrics that inspire me. But sometimes it’s not enough. Even in my happiest moments, I still feel like there’s something missing. And it’s so frustrating. I have friends that know I do it, and they’re wonderful and helpful. They are the continuous support I was saying that it’s hard to have, but I do feel on many occasions that I’m bothering them. Not because they treat me badly or anything, but because I guilt myself into things. They give me attention and talk to me, but I make myself think that it’s not right for me to be getting their help. My friend told me that anytime I do it, I should go ahead and talk to her, just start a random conversation about anything to get my head out of it. I S.I. the other day, and I kept picking up my phone to talk to her, but I didn’t say a thing, because I really felt like I wasn’t worth the time, or I didn’t want to ruin her mood, because I thought my problem could mess up any good place she was in. I feel like an awful person. I know I have a good life, but I have such a problem at grasping the good parts, that I dwell on the past. I can easily give others advice to help motivate them, but when it comes to me.. I just don’t know. I feel like a bad person. I know that I want people to know I S.I. Like I need the credit from people to recognize what I do. I think that every time I do it, it’s just in vain. It’s just because I want attention. I don’t want to be like that, but in all honesty.. I guess that’s how I am. Sometimes I think that the only reason I really want to stop is because I don’t feel I deserve the recognition of others; I feel like I’m putting to shame all the other people with this problem because there are others that have a huge problem with this, because they’ve been through so much. I have so many conflicting emotions. And when I do it, I enjoy it a lot of the time. Sometimes I even smile. I think it’s terrible, like I’m crazy. I don’t understand whether I really have a problem, or I’m just forcing this to be my problem for attention or something of the sort. I know this was a really long post, but if anyone cares to try to help me out, it would be greatly appreciated.