So im not sure why ive wanted to SI so badly the past 48 hours.  Ive done nothing out of the ordinary.  Ive gone to work, gone home, relaxed, seen family,went to a party, had a great time with a best friend, yet during all this I wanted to SI.  Really bad.  And to be completely honest the only reason i didnt was because i switched purses 3 days ago and didnt have my tool with me.  I hate to admit the only thing that held me back was laziness.  I still want it, even right now, but i know i shouldnt. i know its not going to help anything in the big picture.

I think someone up there whether its god or mother nature has heard my prayers the past few weeks, its been cloudy and dreary around here and usually in May in my part of the world is usually in the high 90s.  Im not ready to wear short sleeves yet.  I havnt SI-ed on any visible place in over 4 years, but the scars that are left over just look back at me and seem to make fun of me.  This isnt my first summer being a self harmer.  This isnt my first summer with scars.  But it feels like that.  Maybe its because im older.  Maybe im trying to feel attractive for once.   Maybe i realized how ugly the scars really are.  Whatever it is i have a full week of bad weather. Amen to that

So i know everyone on here is all over the place, but where i am theres this stupid radio comercial that comes on and it really makes me sad and it literally makes me want to cry each time i hear it.  It basically a mother talking about how her son died in a driving collison and she woke up her son in the middle of the night to tell him.  And she starts crying.  Like, i get the comercial is suppose to evoke emotion.  But idk.  It stresses me out every time i hear it.  And its not like i can easily change the station and not hear it, its on every station.  Has anyone else heard this? Maybe its just where i am that runs it idk.