Yeesh.  Things were already bad enough a month ago… I’ve SI’d too often.  I seriously just want to give up trying.  This isn’t going  to stop till I’m out of high school – I know it won’t.  So what’s the point to keep trying if I know that I’m just going to fail… It’s like setting yourself up for failure.  None of my friends even care to ask how I am, so I just make it seem like I’m “dandy as can be” (yeah, right…)  I just don’t know what to *do*.  Not to mention that summer’s coming.  That means going to the pool, and pool parties… I hate them, so much.  Cause either people ask why I’m wearing guy-swim trunks or what the scars are from.  I’m ashamed of them, and I’m sure my parents are ashamed of them too.  Every day I wish they would go away, that they could just be erased.   My one friend just told me last week that she was feeling suicidal again.  She told me “not to worry”, but  I need to tell someone, especially since she’s already tried to do it.  It’s just, I’m worried about so many other people, but I’ve given up on myself.  My guidance counselor tells me that I can’t help other people when I myself am not alright, but I don’t know if I ever will get better..  If there’s a God out there, where is he? I’ve been praying for help, but… I would just appreciate any* sort of sign that there’s some hope.