i wrote this poem in september and finally heard a song that answered the question and wanted to share both:

where were you when he raped me that first time?
where were you when i hid and cried? (i was only 5)
where were you when i was wallowing in misery? (as he continued to abuse me)
where were you when my heart was broken?
where were you when my shell was built?
where were you when i let no one in?
where were you during all these years of sexual abuse?
where?
where, god?
where?
where are you as my mind replays all those hurtful things?
where ar you as the tears streak down at night?
where are you as i torture myself with memories?
where are you as i injure myself?
where are you as i reinforce this wall?
where are you as i protect myself from them? (the world that simply doesn’t understand)
where are you during all this self abuse?
where?
where, god?
where?

(the song, this is just part of it)
is there a way for honesty to say, where are you?
i am here, i can feel your heart break, i will never leave you.