It has been a long time since i wrote here the last time. maybe because i stop SI and I didn’t want to have any other kind of approach to it…anyway when people feel lonely and abandoned they always return to the corner where they felt safe before.
I feel like SIing for the first time in months, and in my opinion some of the reasons that make me feel like that are just stupid and immature.
Lately I’ve been searching a house that i’ll be able to pay since my mom is going to move to my grandparents’ house and i need to go to another city because i graduate this year and i am going to psychology college.
it’s kinda hard. in portugal situation it’s becoming really hard to find cheap houses and part-time jobs and despite i am going to live with my boyfriend i am feeling insecure… i am not ready to go to college.
other reason is my dad…my dad betrayed the woman with he betrayed my mother…that means he kinda “bebetrayed” my mother… and he will live together with her and he wants to have kids with her… but despite all he is lying to her to. he told that woman that my mom and his daughters were living really far away in another city and that my mom was threatening him because he didn’t have money to pay our food support. he only told her that so she would give him money.
and then there’s the dumbest reason ever to be sad…my mom is always kinda angry at me no matter what i do for her, no matter my tries and what i do for her, and one of my sisters has bad results at school, is a spoiled little brat who is always spending money and bullying younger kids, who is always screaming and insulting people, but my mom loves her like no one. my mom said she was only happy when my sister was there and me and my other sister listened that…
i felt so bad cuz everyday i do my best at school and i help her everyday at home, so she will be a little proud of me. i have the best grades, i am the one who never bothers with any kind of problem, and i am the one who always help…yet i am the one who she is not even a little bit proud of. i know i am 18 and i am being immature and spoiled but i wanted that my mom felt proud of me even once…just once.
I feel like SIing…i feel depressed and under pressure…i need to get good results at school so i can go to the college i want…i need to get a part time job and a house, i need to rest a little cuz i haven’t slept more that 2hours per night since two weeks ago, but i have not time…

Sara-chan