It’s really frustrating that I *know* one of the things that really triggers me to SI (stress…), but for some reason, I can’t get over it. I know everything that I’m supposed to do – “vent on paper”, play the piano, draw, go for a run, talk to someone, etc. I know how I need to think. I even know that SI is wrong to do and is unhealthy. But none of that seems to stop the emotional side of my mind from winning. Why can’t I do the things that the rational-side of my mind knows I should do? I’m sick of going to people for help, because I don’t want anyone to know that I’m injuring again; I can’t tell my parents, because the last time I slipped up they threatened to send me to a rehab-place of some sort; I can’t see my therapist until June 10, which is pointless since it’s after my exams, and consequentially all my stressors, are over. So it’s just me, myself, and I. But really, it’s scary to be left to listen to only the thoughts eminating from your mind. It’s like being locked in a dark room in utter isolation – you become lonely, craving human presence, so you fabricate your own “friends” and become dillusional, imagining to see your best friend’s face or hearing voices. That’s how I feel right now. Crazy. For having five different voices ringing in my ears, telling me what I should and should not do; for even wanting to willingly hurt myself! What HAPPENED to me: from going from a naive 8th grader to this… this depressed, screwed-up sophomore. I wish I had answers… but then again, I wish for a lot of things.