I’m 52 and learned to SI from women in my sexual abuse recovery group 17 years ago.  My pain was so overwhelming, I thought, why not?  And the reality is that I found SI assuaged the pain  momentarily, but like other distractors of choice, the effect wears off and I’m back in the middle of my reality…surviving…sometimes poorly.  The past hurts.  The future frightens.  The present is barely lived.  I read the posts here and realize my predicament.  Is there no one out there who has lived a life and is still looking for the means to overcome the pain?  Or am I a freak of immaturity still thumb-sucking by resorting to SI?  I have the know-how to avoid SI from years of therapy.  I can summon the internal resources to not, and do so most of the time.  It’s the ultimate  motivation I lack to leave it completely behind, because nothing else distracts as effectively, albeit temporarily,  from the maddening cycle of pain.  Has anyone succeeded at evolving from surviving to thriving?  Is it the same old story of “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps?” Suck it up and carry on?  How do you choose to “sit in the pain,” as my doctor describes it, when the alternative, to SI, is so seductive?  Sitting in the pain feels like a roaring boil spilling over the pot’s edge.  I guess the reality is that I’ve never gotten to that place where I want to NOT SI more than I want the relief it might offer. Can anyone describe what that type of motivation feels and looks like? How does one convince herself to sit in the pain.