Alienated

I pushed everyone away from me

With lies and

The black haze that consumes me

And the people I didn’t push away

Hurt me anyways,

I guess they couldn’t see that I needed them.

Could they?

Did they even care?

Alone,

Alienated,

From the people I once held close to me

The people who were my steadfast rock in crashing waves,

They just ended up deteriorating anyways.

I watch you through glazed over eyes

I watch your mouth move

I hear sounds coming out

But I can’t hear what you are saying

Just a muddle of the

Goodtimesyouhadthisweekendwithoutme

Howeverysinglethingiswrongwithyour Ex-boyfriend.

I see you on the street,

We pass each other without a word,

Just a glance, sideways and

Avoidant.

You came in to my life

Changed it forever,

And now you’re leaving.

I watch you go,

I hear the door click into place behind you.

The door separates us from each other.

You don’t understand

How the tears sting my eyes

You don’t understand

That you are making me hurt worse by

Expressing your “concern”

For my “attitude” and how I need to “spend more time with other kids”

Well.

I would if I could.

But how could I hang out with a group of people,

One of whom broke my heart and lied to me,

Did things to me you couldn’t even imagine,

Another of who abandoned me in a time of Need,

Spontaneous disappearance on her part,

Leaning on her too much,

On my part.

I’m alienated,

Alone,

And I’m watching life around me like a movie,

I’m alone,

In this crowded room.