I am having a really hard time staying safe the last few months. I have been injury free for the last seven years, and every day I think about it, but the last few months it has been so strong that I find myself picking up something to use and realize what I am doing! I am so afraid that I am going to give back in, but at the same time I am torn about fighting it. I am just so tired of fighting every day, I really thought that after seven years it wouldn’t be so hard! I have been under a lot of stress the last three months or so and that hasn’t helped with the urges or the emotions for that matter. So many memories have come up that the pain is just unreal! I had decided that when my 7 year mark came around that I wanted to get a tattoo to cover up the major scares and after chickening out several times two Saturday’s ago I finally did it. I was told it was going to hurt and that we could take breaks to help with it, but to my horror, it actually felt good, without realizing it, I ended up with the same realease that I would get when I did injure! And while my friend was doing her second one, the guilt set in on my and things went down hill from there. The one thing that has kept me from giving into my urges has been the fact that I have avoided getting that release and guilt that came with it for so long, but now all of the sudden I got both and now it feels like there is really nothing holding me back anymore. I just don’t know what to do! Does it mean that since those feelings came out from getting the tattoo, that I have actually injured again???
(Forgive me, I haven’t had sleep for over 50 hours so my spelling is probably really really bad!)